domenica 12 marzo 2017


Hey lovelies!

Sorry for being away for so long and for not having posted here or commented on your blogs. It's not that I don't care, priority just changes sometimes. Many of you asked me to do this kind of post and I have had it in my to-do list for a while now. So, also to explain myself, here's a LIFE UPDATE!

Luckely enough, this time they live 3 minutes from home and not three hours like last year, but this has affected me very much, not only cause this time is for good and I see life changing and it's not always easy to adapt oneself to things never going to be the same again, but because he's younger then me and I feel like life is moving on for everyone since years, but not for me! I'm not jealous and I'm very happy for him, but now he's got a rented indipendent house, the love of his life and also that job I've been applying for for years...and I'm here like: WTF!?

This has been a big deal for me, cause I've been wanting this change for a couple of decades now..My home has shutters and I hate to have to open and close them, especially at night (yall already know I have a huge fear of bats), so I finally got some black-out curtains and can sleep in the darkness again (I hate being waken up by sunlight and it's been this way for years and years..). I'm so happy! Also, after a lot of shops roaming, I was able to save loads of money and get the flowery curtains that I wanted and that match my walls color! my mother was amazing enough to get me curtains shopping the day my brother moved out and I was super depressed (haven't had an easy time in a while now..)! Problem is: my kitten Yuki seems to love them new curtains as much as I do, so she loves to hide, play, run, jump on them..scratch them..and she already was able to slightly ruin them...

The good part of my brother moving out is that I got to take over his former bedroom in the attic! I'm very happy cause I often have issues finding my own privacy in the house and my bedroom isn't good for being alone, focusing, tranquility and writing work. I no longer have a desk there since I graduated from school. I also find my kitten has to live to my parents rules in the house, which basically are not allowing her anywhere on a higher then floor or chairs level, so I have big plans for that room, for Yuki too! My mother is also helping me out in the process of shopping, painting and furnishing it, sweet one. I'm not going to anticipate anything, because I'll obviously make a post on this as soon as it's ready...Yay, I'm so excited!

This is my second year attending this. It's the longest I've attended a hobby in the recent years, and the one I stuck to more regularly. It's a positive space for myself and for improving my writing skills in a field different from mine. The group has changed as in students and also the teacher, but I've always felt very at ease there. This year got even better, cause the teacher has a method and personality I really like and I don't feel frustrated about my abilities anymore. She chose to follow the scary theme of Fear and sadly we are now close to ending the course, but each of us now has their own playwright project and we are soon going to throw an open night where we'll read some extracts to an audience! So exciting and scary at the same time! I love how we friendly give constructive feedbacks to one another and how I always feel supported, given value and credit to and like I've learnet something at the end of the day. It's interesting to see how each of us had taken the theme from a different perspective. I've of course decided to do something a little innovative by writing a science fictional play about media induced fear as a political control power.

I am going through a long, hard, changes time of increasing anxiety and slight depression, add my emotional personality to that..but you know that I'm into meditation and holistic stuff since years. I hadn't been practicing since a while, but I eventually recently decided to start again. I like to try new and different approaches frequently because I don't like sticking and committing to one given path. So I kind of randomly joined some Yoga Nidra meetings. Nidra means sleep, so this is a kind of yoga where you are supposed to get in a conscient sleeping status. It's very relaxing and energizing because after a couple of hours of laying there I feel as if I had the most resting long sleeping night ever and roaring ready to face my days positively and proactively. A guiding voice lets you focus on your breathing, relaxed body parts, given images ect. and you also get to do some soft stretching yoga positions and movements. Also, you are allowed to sleep! The only issue I have with this is we only do it once a month, which doesn't suffise for me.

Good news are: someone I know from a former centre I used to go to, just opened a new one right across my street! I went to the opening and totally by chance I took part to the demo of something called the Sounds Bath. I had no idea what it was and got there without any expectations. It has been the most intense couple of hours in the last many years! I didn't feel like moving on into my inner self knowledge since a few years and I hadn't cried out of releif after a meditation ever since my very first time in India over a decade ago! You lay down on yoga mats with blackets and pillows just as in yoga nidra. No voice to guide you, just sounds. It's often done with only gongs playing, while here we have a couple of musicians: she plays various types of gongs and sometimes sings and he plays many different nature-like traditional instruments from all over the world: from didjeeridoo to horns and shells ect. and they are not always pleasent to hear. It's more about vibrations, though, cause you'll feel them in your body. I was blown away by the amount of suggestions and images that came into my mind, feelings of openness, of understanding, community in my soul and of shivering, trembling, spasms, deep and hard breathing in my body, all very positively and soothing, and, just like that far day in India, after it was over I felt in peace and wanted to stay silent, had troubles forcing myself back to action and couldn't help my tears pouring out of releif!!! I would suggest that everyone finds their own personal relaxation activity, it really helps to face life and to understand oneself and what surrounds us, way better.

Back in November, I finally got a new tattoo I have been wanting for such a looong time! I got it as a treat to myself, but it took me a good while to stop feeling pain and axiety related to it, which I wasn't expecting. Months earlier, to make my mind clear on what how I really wanted it to be, I threw a design contest on Tattoodo. Amazing platform by Ami James and lovely/great costumer care! Pricey and artists are not all prepared/polite. I got some awesome designs but I ended up getting something completely different by my tattoo artist. At least I made my mind clear on what I didn't!
This tattoo was due to be inked in June for my bday, but I got tested days ealier only to find out that I have an intolerance to nickel, so I went and did some try-out ink tests at the parlor before getting the actual tattoo and it was time consumming. So you can see how much I longed it! (I already had 3 and no problems and the black color in Italy/Europe has the slightest amount of nickel in it).
It's s princess-lioness tattoo (a fierce but not agressive lioness head wearing a tiara) in a stylized/sketched/outlined/dotted style and I consider it to be the best art piece I've got on my skin! (more precisely on my right rib cage, litterally by my side..hehe - yes, it hurts!)
It comes from a few life/self wisedom experiences. I feel and seem like a princess, a naive, weak one, but I eventually found out I have a fierce lioness heart and soul deep inside, I just need to remind to myself of it sometimes. My father and I are big fans of compared mythology researcher Joseph Campbell ("The hero of a thoused faces", to which theory many movies such as Star Wars are inspired) and he once got me a book by his pupill Stephen Larsen on personal mythology linked to psychotherapy and there were some suggested exercises. I tried one meditation to meet your inner animal guide and, expecting a cute, coward bunny, I was shocked to encounter a lion instead!
On my years long spritual journey on the meditation and holistic practice, I years ago participated to a workshop with an italian tibetan-bhuddist monk (rip) and there I got to my highest point on the meditation practice so far. He once welcomed me saying something like: "here comes our worrior!" and I was blown away cause I had never thought of myself as one. Again, years later, after a love affair ended, I wrote a couple of stories to cry my heart out on paper and writing them litterally helped me heal from heartbreak. One was the story of a princess who's prince never comes getting her because he keeps sleeping so she decides travelling to go get him herself, but when she arrives he's still sleeping so she realizes she actually doesn't need someone who doesn't care enough for her but, since travelling had made her stronger and wiser, she decides keeping on travelling on her own. The second story was about a girl who met the painter-god and being charmed by him, having a quick affair but realizing she's just one of his muses. He paints a portrait of her, in which he represents her as a princess-lioness, fierce and strong but also girly and sweet, cause he had read on her soul. When she decides to leave, he hugs her holding the paint in his hand, so the design, pushed against her skin, transfers to her back in the form of a sort of a tattoo, and as the ink sinks in, she feels the strenghth and powers of the princess-lioness possess her and never leave her. These stories are in the process of being published.

Since it was my 4th tattoo and they say an even number of tattoos brings bad luck, I have decided to simultaneously get a quick tiny minimal one, and I got a column behind my left ear. In these times of lack of work and confusion on who I am what I should do with myself, I needed a reminder that there always is a new story to tell and that I need to go on and pursue this passion of mine, being a writer and pulling off new books. I love how the shape of it goes together with the natural body shape of the ear.

I now want to soon get a kitten paw on the back of my wrist, because of the love and connection I feel with Yuki that has changed my life, but then I'm not sure I will want more tattoos, at least for a long time. Well'see...

...and talking about YUKI, she's just the sweetest. She's now about 11 months young and after being sterilized and having seen her buddy my brother's cat moving out, she's becoming more affectionate. I recently got a bad stomach flu and stayed in bed in pain all day, and she would stay in bed next to me throughout the entire day too and come next to my face with a worried expression when I felt sick. She waits for me on my bed at night and sleeps against/over me, complaining when I am disrespectful enough to move and change my sleeping position, just to wake me up early in the morning to get pet and opened the door, but barely tolerates my signs of affection such as caresses, kisses and vain attempts to hold her in my arms (unless you move very fast while holding her or show her out the window). She feels lost when I go to the toilet and scratches the bathroom door calling me and replying firmly when I tell her to wait, untill I let her in, then she tours around my bath tub or sink while I'm washing myself and then commends me to open the door again to let her out, and so forth and so on. She now communicates miewowing, which she before never did, and loves to play catching and bringing back to me her little ball and lets me know when I should play with her by bringing the ball in her mouth, positioning it next to me and miewowing desperetly as if she had just seen her child being stabbed. She yells at me and at everyone very offended when we dare to sneeze in her presence, which apparently is very unpolite and against the catiquette.

And how are you??? What are you up to???